Don't you ever want to start over? Do you ever want to just change your name and cut your hair and go someone where no one knows you and see what happens? I am forever curious on this topic. But I am generally a very curious person. If you tell me not to press the big red button that clearly says with an arrow pointing to it (DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON) you bet I will press it just to see what happens. Once I was on this quiz where every time it said "Do not Click" and I must have pressed it three hundred times until it worked out I just don't listen it was quite amusing since there was a funny little message every time I press. There goes my weird sense of humour again.
But I do wish it most times, they say you write from experience and I want all those experiences, maybe that's why I like to write so much because I can disappear inside myself and become someone completely different and for once call the shots. If I want a character to die, the character will die (but I tend not to do this since I don't like being really evil to my characters even if they are figments of my imagination.)
But if you had to runaway and cut your hair and change your name, just what would you do? Maybe a write a story and find out.
xxxx
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Monday, 30 March 2009
Secret Obessions
Everyone has a secret obsession right? For some it is drinking (Yes that means you Boyfriend), for others it is drugs and some, chocolate or coffee. For me it is not any of these things (OK maybe a little a bit with chocolate and coffee) but mostly . . . (wait for it) shoes. Hmm . . . you weren't expecting that were you?
But it is true though I own hardly any shoes at all since money does not seem to exist in my world so I can never buy anything. I like the high heels, and all the cool funky decorations and I love boots. I die for boots! (Yes I know I'm weird).
But Boyfriend is cutting down on alcohol, cos he didn't go out and get smashed on Saturday night. Not the biggest improvement, but step by step.
xxxx
But it is true though I own hardly any shoes at all since money does not seem to exist in my world so I can never buy anything. I like the high heels, and all the cool funky decorations and I love boots. I die for boots! (Yes I know I'm weird).
But Boyfriend is cutting down on alcohol, cos he didn't go out and get smashed on Saturday night. Not the biggest improvement, but step by step.
xxxx
Clear as day
Have got the glasses!
This got me thinking of beauty and how they say beauty is only skin deep. Yes beauty may be skin deep, but who apart from your doctor is going to look any deeper than that? We are slaves to this thing called Beauty because let's face it the very first thing a person notices about you is your looks, well most of the time. So we want to look as much like us as possible, right? But half the time we forget about looking like ourselves but wonder how we can look attractive. Not the same thing.
We shouldn't be so wrapped up in our looks, because at the end of the day what's inside is what really counts even if the fashion magazines and makeup ads beg it's not. I mean if we judged people solely on what they look like then we're just being shallow and horrible which is why I tend to lightly (or not so lightly) thump my friends every time they make a crack about someones appearance. Because in most cases, the most beautiful people are really the ugliest.
That is all.
xxx
This got me thinking of beauty and how they say beauty is only skin deep. Yes beauty may be skin deep, but who apart from your doctor is going to look any deeper than that? We are slaves to this thing called Beauty because let's face it the very first thing a person notices about you is your looks, well most of the time. So we want to look as much like us as possible, right? But half the time we forget about looking like ourselves but wonder how we can look attractive. Not the same thing.
We shouldn't be so wrapped up in our looks, because at the end of the day what's inside is what really counts even if the fashion magazines and makeup ads beg it's not. I mean if we judged people solely on what they look like then we're just being shallow and horrible which is why I tend to lightly (or not so lightly) thump my friends every time they make a crack about someones appearance. Because in most cases, the most beautiful people are really the ugliest.
That is all.
xxx
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Pictures I Love (don't ask why)
Don't know why I chose these but sometimes I just have these days where all I want to do is just find some pictures and smile and laugh at what's on them.
This one I think looks like a rainbow exploded on her lips!
This is just a taste of the good old teenage years I am living through right now with my big smile. :)
This I think is a wonderful and pretty picture to say "I love you".
Oh well we can all relate to this one and if you can't you are too perfect and must leave this blog at once!
This is just down right cute! I love Pon & Zi so much. Their so cute and weird and romantic and they make me giggle. Bless you Jess Thomas!Will thin I will go now. Bye people!
Ugly Belle
Soon, (tomorrow) to be exact I will be getting glasses! Oh doesn't every teenager just dream of going straight to the optician after school to get her knew dark blue thick rimmed glasses? I don't think so. Which reminds me I haven't told Boyfriend but he can't exactly talk since HE used to have glasses (I have the picture) *cue evil laughter*. But I only have to wear them in class, and watching TV. Note to self: Never watch TV ever again around Boyfriend or friends of any kind.
It's unlikely that people will call me four eyes, because it seems that more people are shot sighted these days, which is the same with braces, almost everyone, has them, had them or is getting them. I'm getting them as soon as my mum has the money.
But to be honest I look like a geek already, I really don't need the glasses making the geekiness even worse. But to be honest I quite like being a geek, actually it's one of my favourite words. :)
Well who knows maybe I'll look pretty (and maybe my uncle Louiss will fall out of the sky and start singing happy birthday!)
P.S. Do not have an uncle Louiss
It's unlikely that people will call me four eyes, because it seems that more people are shot sighted these days, which is the same with braces, almost everyone, has them, had them or is getting them. I'm getting them as soon as my mum has the money.
But to be honest I look like a geek already, I really don't need the glasses making the geekiness even worse. But to be honest I quite like being a geek, actually it's one of my favourite words. :)
Well who knows maybe I'll look pretty (and maybe my uncle Louiss will fall out of the sky and start singing happy birthday!)
P.S. Do not have an uncle Louiss
Just be yourself. . .
It's become a sort of mantra, I think and most of the time we follow it and repeat it to our selves over and over and over "Just be yourself". But the sad thing is that being yourself is not always . . . good thing, well for other people.
See I was thinking. I think a lot, no wonder I get so many head aches at the end of the day. But in my random train of thought I stumbled upon this phrase and I wondered just how often do we actually follow this whole being our selves things because lets face it we're not our selves the whole way. We change for people we like, love or adore. We change because we're afraid that if we're just us . . . then maybe that person would reject us. Sad thought really.
Then I thought about who I am most myself around. I came to the conclusion that my best friend JJ and my other pally who I have been with since we were three and I couldn't even speak English at the time and spoke really bad Spanish, Sharon. But everyone else, I try not to go overboard on the whole "Just be your self" thing because even they find it quite painful sometimes.
Then seeing as I thought of the person I was most myself around I had to think of the person I am least myself around. I thought about this and I thought about this, then I ate a cookie and then I thought some more. I came to the very sad and disappointing conclusion that the person I am least myself around is Boyfriend. That is really bad seeing as well he's my boyfriend. The thing is though . . . we're almost completely different. He likes dark things, I like colour. He likes horror movies, I like romantic comedies. He likes alcohol, I'm fine with a coke. He's loud, I'm quiet (mostly). He's confident, I have the self esteem of a Nat. Hardly the same. Well we have the same colour hair but that was only cos he dyed it.
But also he gets in trouble, all he has to do is walk into a classroom and he'll be sent out. I like to stay out of trouble and as far as he's concerned I get detentions and don't hand in my homework on time, which is sometimes the case but only when I'm having a bad week. He would probably rethink our whole relationship if he knew that I heart English, and that I think William Shakespeare is like one of the most amazing people like ever, or that I write whole novels, or the fact that I have more books than people have cells in their body.
He'd probably think I was joking him. Yeah, he would burst out laughing more like and think it was April fools day. Then he'd probably be really shocked and then pretend he was falling asleep when I started talking book speak. No, that's not fair on him. He'd probably pretend to listen for a while and then safely steer the conversation in a different direction, but I know for sure he would wonder just what he was doing with me.
But I'm trying to be more myself, I tell him a bit more stuff (not the book stuff, baby steps, baby steps) and who knows maybe in a couple of months he'll actually see who I really am and maybe, just maybe he'll be able to handle that I just might be a bit smarter than him, a bit less rebellious and definitely a lot more weird.
And if he doesn't handle it . . . well it was nice while it lasted.
xxxx
See I was thinking. I think a lot, no wonder I get so many head aches at the end of the day. But in my random train of thought I stumbled upon this phrase and I wondered just how often do we actually follow this whole being our selves things because lets face it we're not our selves the whole way. We change for people we like, love or adore. We change because we're afraid that if we're just us . . . then maybe that person would reject us. Sad thought really.
Then I thought about who I am most myself around. I came to the conclusion that my best friend JJ and my other pally who I have been with since we were three and I couldn't even speak English at the time and spoke really bad Spanish, Sharon. But everyone else, I try not to go overboard on the whole "Just be your self" thing because even they find it quite painful sometimes.
Then seeing as I thought of the person I was most myself around I had to think of the person I am least myself around. I thought about this and I thought about this, then I ate a cookie and then I thought some more. I came to the very sad and disappointing conclusion that the person I am least myself around is Boyfriend. That is really bad seeing as well he's my boyfriend. The thing is though . . . we're almost completely different. He likes dark things, I like colour. He likes horror movies, I like romantic comedies. He likes alcohol, I'm fine with a coke. He's loud, I'm quiet (mostly). He's confident, I have the self esteem of a Nat. Hardly the same. Well we have the same colour hair but that was only cos he dyed it.
But also he gets in trouble, all he has to do is walk into a classroom and he'll be sent out. I like to stay out of trouble and as far as he's concerned I get detentions and don't hand in my homework on time, which is sometimes the case but only when I'm having a bad week. He would probably rethink our whole relationship if he knew that I heart English, and that I think William Shakespeare is like one of the most amazing people like ever, or that I write whole novels, or the fact that I have more books than people have cells in their body.
He'd probably think I was joking him. Yeah, he would burst out laughing more like and think it was April fools day. Then he'd probably be really shocked and then pretend he was falling asleep when I started talking book speak. No, that's not fair on him. He'd probably pretend to listen for a while and then safely steer the conversation in a different direction, but I know for sure he would wonder just what he was doing with me.
But I'm trying to be more myself, I tell him a bit more stuff (not the book stuff, baby steps, baby steps) and who knows maybe in a couple of months he'll actually see who I really am and maybe, just maybe he'll be able to handle that I just might be a bit smarter than him, a bit less rebellious and definitely a lot more weird.
And if he doesn't handle it . . . well it was nice while it lasted.
xxxx
Typical
Is it just me or is it genetically in a guys blood to be obsessed with football. I mean seriously why do they all seem to know how to play it or get themselves so worked up over the scores, it's just a game isn't it? It's like when baby boys are born the doctor takes them away and injects this obsession with football into their brains, that's the only way I can explain it, really. Or perhaps boys are from another planet, maybe a whole different universe and there football is worshipped in the way we worship Jesus. That would explain so much. Me and my friend were talking on MSN and we decided to ask every boy online if they liked, played, football. Every single one apparently "loves" football. And then right after they all start boasting how good they are at it, ha ha I'd like to see that match!
xxxx
xxxx
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Summer Plans
My big sister lives in Washington DC and has been studying to be lawyer. My mum says for summer I can go stay with her since I love America (but New York is my favourite) and plus though London does have it's perks after living there for minus three years of your life it gets kind of old.
Sure I love the museums and book stores and Big Ben (for more reasons than one) and I have this thing for Oxford and Trafalgar square. But I've been there done that got the T-shirt.
But with America it's exciting new and wonderful, I love all the sights there too and the food and the book stores and the people and I've only been once. I saw New York and New Jersey and I think that Queens looks like just about the most adorable place ever!
So you can tell that I am truly ecstatic to be able to spend four blissful weeks away from the Topsy turvy life I have formed here in London and have a breathe of a fresh air in a place unlike my own habitat.
I have not told Boyfriend yet but that is only because he probably has these plans for us to go out lots, watching movies, eating junk food, scaring little old ladies in the park and him pretending to listen to me prattle on about Shakespeare. And plus I think he even knows that I find American boys quite attractive and of course he doesn't like any boy that I find attractive (well accept for him of course!).
But I am not one of those sad, pathetic girls who bases her entire life around her Boyfriend. No, because to my astonishment I actually have a brain of my own and I tend to use it believe it or not. And if he pulls the old "sulky kid" routine then I hope he doesn't expect me to go flapping around him like a mother hen and promise not go.
He has his own life and it's not like there isn't Internet in the states or a phone for that matter. But anyway am very excited but still it's only March and a number of things could go wrong. All the airports could simultaneously burst into flames, the planet could be invaded by a heard of Pon & Zi looking Aliens who will heard us into our own countries and make us listen to seventies music or you know the very boring prospect that my mother, father or big sister change their minds but hopefully if the trip is cancelled it'll be for a much more exciting reason than that!
xxx
Sure I love the museums and book stores and Big Ben (for more reasons than one) and I have this thing for Oxford and Trafalgar square. But I've been there done that got the T-shirt.
But with America it's exciting new and wonderful, I love all the sights there too and the food and the book stores and the people and I've only been once. I saw New York and New Jersey and I think that Queens looks like just about the most adorable place ever!
So you can tell that I am truly ecstatic to be able to spend four blissful weeks away from the Topsy turvy life I have formed here in London and have a breathe of a fresh air in a place unlike my own habitat.
I have not told Boyfriend yet but that is only because he probably has these plans for us to go out lots, watching movies, eating junk food, scaring little old ladies in the park and him pretending to listen to me prattle on about Shakespeare. And plus I think he even knows that I find American boys quite attractive and of course he doesn't like any boy that I find attractive (well accept for him of course!).
But I am not one of those sad, pathetic girls who bases her entire life around her Boyfriend. No, because to my astonishment I actually have a brain of my own and I tend to use it believe it or not. And if he pulls the old "sulky kid" routine then I hope he doesn't expect me to go flapping around him like a mother hen and promise not go.
He has his own life and it's not like there isn't Internet in the states or a phone for that matter. But anyway am very excited but still it's only March and a number of things could go wrong. All the airports could simultaneously burst into flames, the planet could be invaded by a heard of Pon & Zi looking Aliens who will heard us into our own countries and make us listen to seventies music or you know the very boring prospect that my mother, father or big sister change their minds but hopefully if the trip is cancelled it'll be for a much more exciting reason than that!
xxx
Funny & Cruel
We're lethal together. He's cruel (don't even get me started) and I'm funny in a weirdo sarcastic kind of way. But I can be cruel too, like how I keep a picture of him from a couple of years ago under my pillow (wait for it) so if I ever wake up and get bored in the middle of the night I can just take the picture out and laugh at him! But he can be funny too, his strange male sense of humour cheers me up most days and I think he's the only reason I actually don't jump off a bridge (it has crossed my mind thousands of times). But it's fun this game of love trying to make each other angry and jealous so you know their still nuts on you and making each other laugh just so you know the other person hasn't turned into the devils spawn!
I remember all the other guys I used to like. The one before boyfriend I was friends with until a few days ago when he decided that if he was going to wait for me and boyfriend to break up he would be waiting forever and has now deleted me from memory. Well good riddens!
And the one before that who I thought was Romeo but as soon as he found out I liked him ran for the hills faster than you could say "Run, Forest run!". I'm happy that I have someone who doesn't make me rethink the way I look in such a way that I feel suicidal and who is just as messed up, freakish and sick as me!
A wonderful thing love is! (Well most of the time)
xxxx
I remember all the other guys I used to like. The one before boyfriend I was friends with until a few days ago when he decided that if he was going to wait for me and boyfriend to break up he would be waiting forever and has now deleted me from memory. Well good riddens!
And the one before that who I thought was Romeo but as soon as he found out I liked him ran for the hills faster than you could say "Run, Forest run!". I'm happy that I have someone who doesn't make me rethink the way I look in such a way that I feel suicidal and who is just as messed up, freakish and sick as me!
A wonderful thing love is! (Well most of the time)
xxxx
Baby it's fact
I loooooove the band HelloGoodbye and "Baby it's fact" is in my top ten favourite songs ever and that's something to be proud of. The lyrics are so sweeet and romanticn and make me want to laugh and dance and fall in love. Also I have a thing for geeky lead singers. Ha ha.
"Baby, it's fact our love is true,
The way black is black,
And blue is just blue,
My love is true it's a matter of fact,
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that,
Baby our love is true"
Don't you just want to fall in love? I recommend you listen to it immediatley! I have been listening to it all day. I have written another chapter because of it and I can't stop smiling. Now a song that makes you that cheerful just has to be the best song ever, right?
xxx
"Baby, it's fact our love is true,
The way black is black,
And blue is just blue,
My love is true it's a matter of fact,
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that,
Baby our love is true"
Don't you just want to fall in love? I recommend you listen to it immediatley! I have been listening to it all day. I have written another chapter because of it and I can't stop smiling. Now a song that makes you that cheerful just has to be the best song ever, right?
xxx
Friday, 27 March 2009
Competition
I always wonder what boys really talk about, but I think I get the gist of it really, girls, sex, money etc. But with boys you don't pour out all your woes and feeling no. You have this sort of weird competition which I found out when my mate (a male) and my boyfriend had a little chat. It was like a contest, who's band was better, who was a better drummer etc. It was quite pathetic especailly my boyfriend who may have a nice heart but boy that boy does not know when to shut up. But he made me laugh (a lot) though I felt like I was falling apart, those are the things that make me think life just wouldn't be fun without him around. Well I have had one hell of a day and I'd love to catch some zzzz's so I will stop rambling at you all and just let you happily get on with your peaceful lives. Well at least they were until I started blogging ha ha!
xxxxx
xxxxx
Born that way
I like to joke and say that I was born with a pen clenched in my chubby fist. But I swear it must be true because I love writing. I have written whole novels and I'm not that old yet. My friends think I am a a freak of nature (they have a valid point) and my parents say I'm a child prodigy but then they see my maths scores and change their minds! I'm writing a book now, its a sequel to something else I've written. I never write sequels for some reason, but I want to finish this one since I love the characters to bits! I get mixed up with reality sometimes and when people ask me things like what did you do with that boy you fancied I end up saying something detailed and elaborate but really I hid behind a tree so he wouldn't see that my hair was all over the place! I guess that's what happens when you spend more time worrying about what your character does than handing in your maths homework!
I don't love you
People say relationships are easy if their with the right person. I don't know much about these things . . . well I know a bit. I have a person who I think has to be as right of a person for me as you can get. He's definitely unique, you just have to look at his hair and clothes and you'll see that loud and clear! He's kind of aggressive (to other people) and I'm pretty sure he's an alcoholic (he told his mates he was going out with me by going up to a lam post when he was drunk and saying "i love you" and so his mates asked him who he loved etc. so on so forth) and he's not always so sure about how he feels. He's not perfect. I don't want perfect. I want real. And he's definitley real, that's for sure. And he cares about me, he always tries to cheer me up when I'm upset and he listens when I talk and he shows off about me and sticks up for me. He tells me things that only the two of us know. He's one of my favourite people. He makes me want to be a better person and I make him want to be better too. But lately things have been less than smooth sailing. He got arrested last Saturday and spent the night in a cell for Drunk and Disorderly (not first time). And there was this business with a little test and shallowness and now I don't know if I should just call it quits with him or hang on tighter than ever. I just don't want to look back on it in ten years and call myself an idiot. I don't know what to do and my friends are really sick of the sound of his name and are begging me to break it off and just let go but I don't want to wake up and remember my huge mistake in the morning. So I decided to see how the next few weeks work out . . . maybe then it'll be clearer.
I hope
I hope
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