Like I Care

Lew lew cheated on me then lied. Ha ha! Great thing is I couldn't care less. I had a right go at him for it though, I had the last word and seconds after he was after another one of my friends. My god is he tacky!

I'm fine for the moment, no major heart ache and tears here, well never over Lewis, I'd rather kill myself than cry over that sorry bastard! He's really not worth it. But I am not that strong cos well I can't help but compare Boyfriend. One of us might mess up and we'd fight but he'd never ever call me anything bad, he'd never insult me or call me any of those horrible things. He never got really mad at me and I never got really mad at him. So sad he had to . . . change.

But change happens to all of us, I guess. Doesn't it? Well of course it does, at one point, we change a bit sometimes a lot, sometimes for the best sometimes for the very worst. I wonder what kind of change this is? I'm thinking bad but I'm biased on this sorta thing.

Going to see a movie and shop on Saturday which ought to cheer me up heaps. And take my mind off these unfortunate events.

Ta Ta!

B

xxx

Moving on

I have moved on to another guy. But he's horrible and has already cheated me not that I care cos I hate him to bits and wish he would drop down a hole or something. I really, really, really, don't care. But I do look forward to yelling at him and I beeped my exes phone when it was phone in the morning tehre! Oh yeah, I'm good! :c)

Fan-bloody-tastic!

My mobile phone is conspiring against me. It hates me, it must do. I just sit there half the time staring at it. Because I am pathetic enough to beleive that he may still love me, and want to talk to me or something crazy stupid like that! I mean, if I was me I wouldn't want to talk to me,I would ignore myself. I hate myself sometimes, I mean who does this?! Who breaks up with a guy she's googly over? I thought it would be good to do the adult thing, cos hes not coming back. He made that clear and we're in completely different time zones, so it would be impossible to communicate and postcards just aren't enough. Cos I know how these things work, the guy fades out and you wait week after week waiting for a letter, an e-mail, a text that will never come and be left all alone wondering what YOU did wrong. It's god awful!

I hate this as well. Almost as much, I hate being this way. I have locked away all the pictures, stupid diary entries, I don't want to remember. I want to forget everything, I'll be happier. Ok, wrong, I was miserable before I met him, and now I'm miserable now he's going, it's a lose lose situation, eh?

I torture myself with it all, especailly the first time he ever said "I love you" some good that is to me now. My friends think I am mad, since I dumped him. For the last time I didn't do it cos I didn't love him I did it cos he's not the kinda guy you bet all your money on, he's prone to disapointment, like how he says he'll call and you fall asleep next to the phone but he never does, how if you need him to be there he might be one thousand miles in the opposite direction, that he isn't going to remember, that he gets bored easily, that sometimes he gets upset and he doesn't want to talk to anyone, and sometimes he gets mixed about his feelings and messes up and with all of that I know, I just know that he'll fade out and get together with some girl who's prettier, dumber, sportier and into heavy metal.

I'm ok when I'm with other people but I do need a hug more than often. But being alone is pure torture. Nothing to distract myself from my self torture. I swear I will need cpunselling. And I keep getting all these scenes where he calls me and what I'll say and I just . . . I'm falling to peices.

Great, and I have exams day after tomorrow, fan-bloody-tastic!

Broken Hearts And Torn Up Letters

I love that song by Lostprophets! And at this moment it's more than just a song. I dumped my boyfriend. I actually dumped him! It has to be the scariest thing I've ever done. But I had to do it I mean he's going off to the other side of the world for crying out loud and I don't think that would work too well. So yeah, he still wants us to be friends and stuff, which I get since we've been through quite a lot together. And I know I'd get hurt if we stayed together. But damn this hurts too, I mean it's not like I'm still not nuts over him.

It was horrible this morning. I woke up and for a second I was fine cos it's Saturday and I don't have to wake up at 6am and then I remembered yesterday . . . that's when I started crying. I didn't make one sound, if I did my mum would wonder if I was being shot or something. I feel like I've been shot though. But like my friend Jessica said "I'll get over it". Inspirational words those are.

Now on Monday when people ask me about my boyfriend I'll have to say I dumped him and that he's moving to Australia, oh joy! It just gets better and better eh?

Luv

B

xx

The update . . .

I was never a simple person. So updates are more like year long descriptions. I'll try and keep this simple because there's been lots of things going on. Boyfriend has managed to make my friend hate his guts and almost hate me. His words are as sharp as a blade and can cut you into peaces, if you're on the wrong side of him, luckily he's never had a fight with me cos I'd sure give him a run for his money. My friend has managed to think what she thinks is prince charming but I am pretty sure is gay. I have performed a play which went terribly as one of our actors decided to take go walkies so we were all thinking "Where the hell did she go? Someone say something!" And have confused myself immensely, and have lied to people and I don't know why, but not little lies, big lies which were in vain. Oh and swotting for horrible exams. I hate exams, I get all nervous and I can just hear the voices in my head going "You can't do this. You'll end up working at Burger King. You'll never get into university." I really despise those voices sometimes.

I am incredibly stressed and only last night did Boyfriend announce he might be moving back to Australia, like I didn't have enough to worry about with my prince not so charming deciding he's gonna move to the other side of the planet!

I had a little moment with this guy in the train station. Dark, amazingly handsome, a few years older and he smiled and winked at me. He seemed like a nice person even he was at that moment being arrested. Hmmm my heart raced over some guy who was getting arrested at the train station, what does that tell you about me?

I am having horrible writers block with the third in my series. I really want to carry it on cos she's supposed to get engaged at the end of it. And I hate not finishing stories, I feel like a quitter. Though maybe we'd have less wars if people quit and just left things as they are. I think it's horrible people going and fighting over like money or gold or whatever the hell they think is so damn important they have to kill a load of innocent people to get it.

I am currently broke so I can't buy any books. Which breaks my heart in several places and am re-reading the Princess Diaries. I have also managed to raise my grade in math which rules! I don't know how it happened but I got 89% on my test. This has never ever happened! EVER! I am like the worst person at math and got 22 out of 35 on my practice mental maths test two days ago but I still got eighty nine percent. The problem with the mental maths is I don't have enough time to work it all out. So I make dumb mistakes a blind man could see!

I have an ongoing headache with my life lately. And this one song on my Cd FUNHOUSE "Glitter In The Air" makes me want to cry. I am a seriously depressed person, but so is my best friend, I think I got it off her, she's been depressed for as long as I can remember and seeing as we spend so much time togetehr I sort of picked up on it. Now we match!

And I am now in love with this band LOSTPROPHETS but not their Metal stuff their new stuff which is softer. I love Ian Watkins, don't know why but I find him gobsmackingly sexy and every time he's on TV I just gaze at him and try not to drool at his yumminess. I am sooo weird.

Ta ta!

B

xxxxx