This Isn't Love

We all have this craving to be loved and to love someone. It puts the mind at some ease is what my mother says, but what ease is there? Sure when you're alone you worry all about being single but when you're not you just worry about how you'll lose it, trying to keep the person happy so you stay together and don't end up picking up the pieces of you're heart all alone.

I am in the well known situation of liking someone who thinks of us as "Just Friends". That phrase taunts me. I've watched the movie many times and thought it so funny but I don't think I ever really understood until now. Now, I know exactly how it feels to want to bash your head against the wall because he won't stop going on about that girl the girl you wish you were so maybe he'd like you like that.

But luckily he doesn't go on about her too much and we have a good joke around and cool conversations. It's not fair that she got there first, but I can't just blame her, maybe whatever the situation it just wouldn't be. That's the reality of things, because some people love the same person their whole life and die alone without that person.

But dreaming . . . dreaming makes it possible. And I don't spend two hours in the bathroom for nothing. I need to look perfect. My hairstyle shouldn't say friend it should say girlfriend. It's quite horrible being in love with your so-called friend. Who knows one of these glorious days maybe I'll stop liking him.

My friends say I love him.

I don't love him.

And if I have used the word towards him then very loosely.

I can't be in love with him. Liking your friend is one thing, but liking your friend as something more than a friend is a complete different shop full of shoes.

OK, so I always go out with him in town and my heart soars every time he touches my hand or puts his arm around me. And yeah I run home so I can talk to him on MSN and take forever thinking of cool funny things to say to make him lol. And yes I wrote my name plus his in my book in a heart and yes I think about him all the time and when I'll see him next. But I am not in love with him.

I just like him a lot that's all.

Must go now, Jack's come online and I wanna talk to him!

B

xx