Mistakes

From seven thirty to midnight on Mondays till Fridays I have free unlimited texts. That's why I have come to loathe weekends. Usually no one ever texts me back to the next day at noon where I don't have my free texts so it's pretty useless. But this guy I know, who is a friend of mine well he texts back straight away and we end up talking for almost two hours to each other texting. Back and forth, back and forth, constant, in sync. I'm guilty to say I enjoy it. Why am I guilty? Because this boy who we shall call Lewis has a crush on me, he's had a crush on me for a while. Don't know why he does, he must have been dropped on his head as a baby or something. But anyway, I now if Boyfriend knew that five days a week I have long conversations with a guy who's in love with me, well he would have something to say.

I mean is there anything really wrong with texting a guy as a friend even if he's not feeling the whole "friend" concept for you, when you have a boyfriend? Maybe, just possibly not, but what if this person asks you a question let's say, that if you were single would you then be willing to go out with them, and you answer yes, now is that wrong when you have a dedicated boyfriend? Yes very rightly it is! I feel like one of those girls, the ones who have secret steamy relationships behind their boyfriends back and feel no guilt or regret what so ever. But I'm not doing anything, though I feel like I have signed my soul off to the devil.

I feel like crap every time I talk to him, there he is telling me in his own weird way how in love with me he is and there I am smiling nodding while promising the second it's over I'll get off with another guy? I'm scum, but I'm not one of those girls, because I wanna tel l him and I feel horrible and all. But who knows maybe he won't think of it as betrayal or doing anything wrong, but I do. I think I'm a horrible person, I am a horrible horrible person for saying that, but I had coffee that morning and I don't usually do that so maybe it wasn't completely my fault. Oh my good now I'm trying to blame liquids on my stupidity!

There should be some sort of decision making helpline for relationships so you can ask what's right and what's wrong and just what is crossing the line. There really should and I solemnly swear when I am licensed to do so I will make a helpline for this sort of thing and have people train for it and no longer will poor lovesick people world over have to suffer silently or ramble on about their problems to poor, unsuspecting people on their blogs, they will be able to fix it, like that.

I know no ones listening to anything I say on here but it's nice to get it out there, to know that it's out there, in the universe, floating around somewhere.

So the question I want to ask all of you, which I would really like you to think about.

What is the worst thing you have ever done in a relationship, why and if you had the chance would you change it?

I guess you all know my answer and probably might think it is minor compared to the things you may have done but don't worry, I am young I have pleeentty of time to make mistakes.

XXXX